i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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