they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
