Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
