and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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