If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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