I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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