last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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