Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
