i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How does one acquire holy water?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
