Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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