I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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