i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
