I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
