the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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