just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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