Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
