Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
