hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
