I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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