Christians are straight up FREAKS
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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