we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
