Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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