Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
sex in a hospital.. check
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
