I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
