I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
