last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
