You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
