I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
