He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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