Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
