sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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