it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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