the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize