he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
