She's JV to your varsity
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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