Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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