As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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