we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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