The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize