oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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