New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
