Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
