I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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