Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
