my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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