I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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