How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize