Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
