he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
