Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
