I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
