By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
God, you're like boner-b-gone
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
