actually, I'm a sock model
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize