he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
