So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
