at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
