Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize