you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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