Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
