***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How naked do you want me to be?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
