Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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