I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
