i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
