it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dignity is for republicans.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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