drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
