i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
