Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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