You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
