the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize