I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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