Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
