We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
