Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
