I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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