That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
