It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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