i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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