flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
