Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
