I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
