I'm eating all of the evidence.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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