Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
