there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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