I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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