i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
being pregnant is like rehab
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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