it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
