and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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