Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
