I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
