I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
