My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
