dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
