There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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