Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's Friday. Sex?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My penis needs a shock collar
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize