I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
